Next Time
written by Tiffany May Harrsch

For warnings, spoilers, ratings, and other information, see Pt 0.

"Daniel!"

I flinch. It took a moment to realize Carter hadn't said the name as a question or reminder, but as an exclamation. Delight mingles with disbelief in her eyes. I turn to see why.

Daniel.

The crowd partially obscures him. They were there both as a welcoming party and to hide Hammond's surprise. Now they serve as an obstacle course. Daniel slowly threads his way through, his approach eager and nervous. His face is pursed in typical Daniel bashfulness from all the attention. When he reaches our little clearing he hesitates.

So do I. I blink, not believing my eyes. Seeing a man you knew to be dead will do that to you.

The last time I saw him, Daniel had been laying in an alcove on a Goa'uld ship, mortally wounded by staff weapon fire. My first thought had been to get him to safety. He refused. Even through the pain he must have been feeling, Daniel could think enough to immediately judge the price of my gut reaction. He was right. We didn't have time, Earth didn't have time, for me to give in to the fear and self-loathing that comes with leaving someone behind enemy lines.

In the end, I left him to die alone in that alcove, without even a word of goodbye. Just a touch in parting.

Okay, I admit I'm not the most verbally expressive person when it comes to emotions. I tend to bury them before they can bury me. And the 'positive' ones are the worst. You say something at the wrong moment and your screwed, you keep them to yourself and you get equally hurt. Being more a man of action, it took me a while to figure out that sometimes the words are the most important action that can be taken. Sara taught me this. And Charlie taught me that sometimes word are the gestures remembered most… By me, if not by him.

So, for my own peace of mind, I've tried to express the feely thing. I'm not very good at it. When I do manage it, it's usually as some sarcastic comment which can be taken the wrong way. Or under circumstances of duress. I've finally managed to say what needed to be said to Sara… much too late. But she knows, now. I've called Teal'c 'my friend' to his face at least once. And I've told Carter it was 'an honor serving with' her. Neither are phrases I throw around lightly.

So why is it I've had difficulty saying them to Daniel? It's been that way from the start, not that I would have been able to find anything nice to say to or about him at first. I disliked Daniel even before we met. He was a scientist with three degrees after his name at a point when my estimation of science and academic types was at an all time low. (Daniel, Carter and Doc Frasier have changed that some.) Catherine Langford, and by extension, General West, had a great deal of faith in his abilities. The moment he was brought onboard the project, so was I.

Some of my animosity stemmed from the mixed feelings. He'd earned both my resentment and gratitude. I was pulled out of retirement and away from my mourning because of him. I never quite had the courage to take the out I thought I wanted. Thanks to Daniel, I was given a unique way to leave the world. It didn't matter because I was forced to care again. No amount of heartache negated the duty I felt toward 'my' men, to get them to and from our mission in one piece.

Suddenly I found myself leading a team into the ultimate foreign land, complete with one lucky dweeb who sneezed at all the wrong times. Despite his feat with the translations and working out the coordinate system of the Stargate (one he did almost as soon as he saw it, the other in two weeks where a whole panel of scientists couldn't do in two years), I still couldn't have thought less of him. Or so I thought.

I was proved wrong when he couldn't figure out the coordinates for Earth right away. And again when he let that beast take him for a joy ride across alien desert. And any of a half dozen other awkward acts during the trip.

Then Daniel went and caught my death. My views of him changed forever when he put himself between me and one of Ra's guards. I could barely comprehend the act. Daniel, who should have been a non-combatant, protected me, the military man who wanted to die. Even after he found out about the bomb I'd brought with me. I might have expected such a maneuver (though, hopefully with a less suicidal outcome) from one of my men, but a scientist?

Like I said, he's a lucky dweeb. Death spit him out just so he could save my life all over again. By the time I left Abydos, Daniel had fought for a people he didn't know, rallied said people against the only god they knew, found the way to get us home, and helped to destroy Ra.

Things like that make a man grow on you. Daniel had earned my grudging admiration. I wanted him to know that before I left. The best I could come up with was, "You gonna be all right?"

A whole year had past before we met again. I'd lied for the man, and kept up the pretenses for as long as circumstances would allow. When I saw Daniel again, I was truly please to see he was alive, well, and happy. The Abydonians had treated him well and the 'Ra look alike' had not yet visited his camp. So how do I show it? I nudge his shoulder as I brush past him as if he weren't there. A wonderful 'hi there'.

The SGC was formally commissioned and Daniel joined my expeditionary team. In the ensuing months I got to meet the man all over again. I learned more about his flexible mind, butted heads with his stubborn will, and wondered about his passions.

Then one horrible mission, we lost him. The alien, Nem, had taken Daniel and left implanted memories of his horrible death in our heads. We had a funeral and wake for him before we finally figured out the whole thing was a ploy.

I'll never forget Daniel's face when Carter told him about the words I had said at his funeral. First his eyes were wide in shock. Then they narrowed on me, as if he couldn't decide whether or not I'd meant it. Did he think I said them out of some silly notion of not speaking ill of the dead, or something?

I tried not to show how much the disbelief in his voice had stung. I wasn't entirely surprised. After all, it wasn't until the funeral, when I hesitated over the word 'friend', that I realized it was true. Not that I would put him under the category of 'best friend' or anything like that. It's a sad fact I don't trust many so much. Still, I regretted not saying anything to him.

Now here I stand, looking at the ghost I was certain I'd have to eulogize for again. Daniel stares back. The half second feels like minutes as we try to judge each other's realness. There are expectant grins on everyone's faces, and Hammond looks mightily pleased with himself.

I feel a grin spread across my face. Daniel dug deep into that bag of luck of his and pulled out another miracle. I was at a complete loss for words. So I conveyed my feelings the way I usually do - with an action. I pulled Daniel into a bear hug.

"Spacemonkey," I mutter. I honestly don't know where that came from. Or why I should utter it instead of 'welcome back' or 'I'm glad to see you' or even 'what the hell happened?' From the look on his face, it was all Daniel really needed to hear right now anyway.

But now that he's back, we need to have a nice long talk. A little later, of course, when there aren't so many people; this will be embarrassing enough in private. Now that I've been given a second (third? fourth?) chance, I'm going to take it. Just so that I know I've said something, in case I don't have the words again next time, or the circumstances of our parting happens too suddenly, or there just isn't any time… Maybe after a couple of beers and pizza and a hockey game…

~fin~

© 2000 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp. The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa’uld and all other characters who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names, titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television, Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd. Partnership. This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and solely meant for entertainment. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author.

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